I deeply regret not having studied Dutch more systematically than I did it when I arrived in The Netherlands. I thought I did my best, but I only wanted to communicate, right away and that was at the time good enough. I read a lot but I hardly ever wrote anything, not even a shopping list. Only the last years I had been writing more and being confronted with what I should have at from the beginning of my stay here.
At the language lessons I was jealous of the Swedish lady who started talking very good Dutch after few months here or of Natalio who did the same but he was amazingly intelligent.
When I hear on television people who arrived here as many years ago as I did and they speak very nice Dutch with a beautiful choice of words I celebrate them, but it reminds me of my enthusiast but imperfect Dutch.
The worst of all is having to recognize it, as I just did last week end -after the TV Hoeksteen interview and the presentation of the exhibition with public- that it will never get any better. The mistakes are so deep in my brain and my carefulness thinking is not going to change. Many sounds I still can't hear. It is a pity. I regret it.
And it is so sad when well meant people tell you, -oh but it sounds so beautifully exotic!- I don't want to be exotic. I want to express my self in the way I think, without having to adapt my thinking to my Dutch vocabulary. Or when they say after just shaking hands -you speak very good Dutch, where do you come from?-. I don't want to be asked the whole time where do I come from? by people who don't even know my name. I don't particularly enjoy being talked in English for half an hour when I had been speaking the whole time in Dutch. I want to be Dutch. I recently 'celebrated' having my Dutch passport already for 10 years. It is only a paper, nationality is more than that. What here is called 'cheese head' ('kaaskoop') -many generations Dutch and blond- probably they will never hear them calling me Dutch.
Often I think of the known Swiss photographer Gertrude Duby Blom, who was born in Germany and spoke fluently many languages, including Spanish, after having lived in Mexico for 50 years. I met her in her 90's, in San Cristobal Mexico where she remained the last years of her life. In the mornings she was able to speak all languages including Spanish. But after 12 o'clock she changed into German, and because at her residence no one spoke that language she became isolated big part of her day.
I see my self old and also not being able to talk in Dutch anymore after midday. It will be like that if I reach that older age! I accept it.
Maybe I should not be regretting it, because I could have not done it otherwise any way.
The photo's come from different sources: The first two are screen photos. The three last are G.Blom, her house in San Cristobal and one of her photographs.
When I hear on television people who arrived here as many years ago as I did and they speak very nice Dutch with a beautiful choice of words I celebrate them, but it reminds me of my enthusiast but imperfect Dutch.
The worst of all is having to recognize it, as I just did last week end -after the TV Hoeksteen interview and the presentation of the exhibition with public- that it will never get any better. The mistakes are so deep in my brain and my carefulness thinking is not going to change. Many sounds I still can't hear. It is a pity. I regret it.
And it is so sad when well meant people tell you, -oh but it sounds so beautifully exotic!- I don't want to be exotic. I want to express my self in the way I think, without having to adapt my thinking to my Dutch vocabulary. Or when they say after just shaking hands -you speak very good Dutch, where do you come from?-. I don't want to be asked the whole time where do I come from? by people who don't even know my name. I don't particularly enjoy being talked in English for half an hour when I had been speaking the whole time in Dutch. I want to be Dutch. I recently 'celebrated' having my Dutch passport already for 10 years. It is only a paper, nationality is more than that. What here is called 'cheese head' ('kaaskoop') -many generations Dutch and blond- probably they will never hear them calling me Dutch.
Often I think of the known Swiss photographer Gertrude Duby Blom, who was born in Germany and spoke fluently many languages, including Spanish, after having lived in Mexico for 50 years. I met her in her 90's, in San Cristobal Mexico where she remained the last years of her life. In the mornings she was able to speak all languages including Spanish. But after 12 o'clock she changed into German, and because at her residence no one spoke that language she became isolated big part of her day.
I see my self old and also not being able to talk in Dutch anymore after midday. It will be like that if I reach that older age! I accept it.
Maybe I should not be regretting it, because I could have not done it otherwise any way.
The photo's come from different sources: The first two are screen photos. The three last are G.Blom, her house in San Cristobal and one of her photographs.
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